Funk-licious

I feel a tad in a funk. 

Is it because the workshop I'm developing for work is being questioned in terms of delivery method?

Is it because I'm all out of my routine dating Adam Science?  Or the fact that it's now been three months and it's time to start really trusting?  It's so delightful, yet is it moving too fast? 

Is it my lack of "me" time this past week?  Visitors at work, entertaining them after work, so many meetings last week, some late nights at work.  No nights where I got to come home, have my glass of red wine, make myself dinner and pet my cat.  No nights to knit or do my laundry or whatever it is I chose to do with my time. 

I went to look at a house.  I went to look at a house and it was excellent.  I've been thinking about buying one when all the settlement nonsense was over.  It was so beautifully rehabbed, it would fit me so well, it had interesting old touches and lovely modern upgrades.  Am I no longer just me?  Already?

The "baggage" of past relationships is rearing it's ugly head.  Never feeling good enough, not being taken seriously, not having a partner, wanting someone to see me...these are right at the surface.  I can recognize that these are my old issues and not ones being perpetuated in the new relationship.  Even so, every now and then I feel myself ready to rage into "fight or flight" mode.  I am proud of myself for having some boundaries still.  For not giving in completely to this relationship yet.  For maintaining myself, for being myself, for knowing myself.  When do the ghosts of boyfriends and ex-husbands past go away? 

The thing I should be doing is enjoying this afternoon.  I have the time to assemble a new china cabinet (check!), take out all of my trash (check!), do some blogging (check!), and do the dishes (......). 

Even as a write this, I know that nothing is really wrong.  I just feel out of sorts.  I had a moment where I needed to talk to someone, needed some company in the comfort of my own home.  Thanks blog friends, for providing that.